The Beginning of The End of Romance
Ah…romance, what a beautiful word Everyone ought to have a little romance in their lives. My 1950’s version of Webster’s New American Dictionary defines the word romance as… “A work of fiction stressing adventure and incident; delight in what is fanciful; adventurous and picturesque; a romantic act or experience. My interpretation of romance has always been…soft music, soft lights, expensive gifts, candy and flowers I suppose that is what Webster means by…“Delight in what is fanciful.” or “a roman tic act or experience.” Valentine’s Day is supposed to be the most romantic day of the year, so with this in mind let me tell you about my Valentine’s Day,
It was this past Valentine’s Day when the grim reality hit me…I think I am experiencing the beginning of the end of romance. It was then that I realized that the days of wine and roses were “kaput” at the Massey household It started with Mr M’s promise of… “I have to go to town to get your Valentine present.” After he left. I waited with bated breath for his return. As I anxiously waited, all kinds of things were popping into my mind. Would he go to the jewelry store and buy me those earrings that I have been wanting or would return with a heart box of candy under his arm and a dozen red roses in his hand. (you know the picture, just like in the movies). Finally after what seemed an eternity, his truck pulled into the driveway. The time was finally here the time I had been waiting for…my surprise.I should have known something was wrong when he walked into the house empty handed and said, “come outside. I want to give you your Valentine present.” Still thinking that he had left the little gold box in the pickup. I followed him to the truck. When he opened the truck door. I knew it was something different than jewelry or flowers, when feathers started filling the air. Yep, you guessed it, he had brought me four gunnie sacks full of down laden critters…a goose, a gander and two ducks. He even had the nerve to tell me that he had paid thirty two dollars for these feathered critters. (He could have bought a pair of earrings for thirty two dollars.) Now I don’t mind telling you, that a goose is not my idea of a romantic valentine present. I think living in a world filled with critters is the problem, when we lived in town he brought me jewelry and flowers on special occasions. The only word in Webster’s definition of romance that applies to a gift like this, is, “adventurous.”
Adventurous because someone told me that a gander can be as mean as a cobra when mama goose is nesting. If this is true, I am sure I will be in for it every time I walk out to the trash bin. I will have to buy myself a new pair of prescription running shoes so I can hightail it back to the house like I did last summer when “Mother” the goose decided she hated middle-aged housewives with messed up hair and no make-up.
I can see it all now, if Mr M’s trend for giving romantic gifts continues, for Mother’s Day I will probably get a billy goat. But there is an old saying that has been around for years and years. It goes…“What is good for the goose is good for the gander.” With this in mind, and Father’s Day in June…Does anyone know where I can get a very affectionate female gorilla?
