Not Grief, but Gratitude
These words were part of a quotation sent to me by one of my many thoughtful friends during the recent loss of my Dad. “Grandpa Denne”. The quotation she sent reads: “The highest tribute to the dead is not grief, but gratitude”, by Thornton Wilder. These words have special meaning to me because, in thirteen short months. I have lost the two people who have had influence on my life since the day I came into this world, my Mom and Dad. I certainly feel the hurt and grief for my loss. but they say that will pass with time, but I wil never stop being grateful for having been blessed for so many years with caring parents.
I was, what you could call, every parents nightmare…the one kid in the family that never really left home. I didn’t live in the same house with my parents, but for the past 30 years I have not been further away than next door or across the street. We were always one family that lived in two houses. I am also what is lovingly referred to as the baby of the family. And as every baby of the family knows, you never outgrow this special title. My parents would always introduce me to someone new as. “This is our baby. Elizabeth”. Never the youngest in the family, but always the baby of the family. No matter how old you get or how old you look, a families youngest is still the baby in their parents eyes. Maybe this is why older brothers and sisters think the youngest kid is spoiled. And being the youngest, I am sure that older brothers and sisters are right.
I am also grateful for the devotion that my parents shared for each other. All decisions concerning their life and kids were made by both of them. That is why I remember only stability in our home. There was never a time when an important decision had to be made that my Mom didn’t say, “I will have to ask your Dad”. I didn’t always hear the answer I wanted to hear, but as I got older I realized that the decision was made by the two people who cared the most about what path I was merrily skipping down. And I found out at a very early age that it did no good to question their decisions. Only after we become parents do we realize that “no” decisions are the hardest ones to make. It is always so much easier to say “Yes”. But unfortunately, as our parents knew, our adult lives are not filled with “yes’es”.
I will always be grateful for the relationship I shared with my Mom and Dad. They were the kind of parents who always supported my adult decisions without question. I suppose they thought if they hadn’t taught me to make my own decisions and learn to live with those decisions in the first eighteen years of my life, it was certainly too late to start when my name was followed by my own address.
I was very close to my Mom and Dad and it hurts to know that I have said, “see you in the morning” for the last time to them, but I also know that they want me to be happy and finish raising my kids with the same stability that they created for me.
As I said in the beginning, the hurt and emptiness will pass in time, but one thing that will not pass will be my gratitude for the good times and great memories that they have left behind….I don’t feel that anyone could have more of those than I do.
