God Love 'em, what would we do without 'em
God love ‘em, what would we do without ‘em
I have heard several comments about my column, saying that there is some suspicion about me being a borderline womens liber, that I write only about the kids and girlie stuff. This being the case. I have decided to write a column about MEN. I want to make it very clear that everything I say here is fiction, drawn from my wild imagination, and any similarity to any man or husband in the world is purely coincidental.
Men, God love ‘em, what would we do without ‘em. Who would fix things around the house, keep track of important things, fill the garage with junk and be the movers and the shakers of the earth.
Men’s many, many abilities are probably the most amazing phenomenon in the world. One of these amazing abilities is instinct. They know when you haven’t checked the oil in the car, by just looking at the outside of the car and they instinctively want to use the family car, the day after you just made it into the garage with enough gas to make it up the driveway. They instinctively keep tabs on your checkbook, without opening your bank statement. Saving is another ability that they are to be proud of, they can surpass anyone when it comes to saving money. One way they do this is to accidentally put your car keys in their pocket and take them to work, therefore saving the money it takes to put gas and oil in the family car and also saving the money that you would have spent at the shopping center. They also save money on repair bills, they can always find the cause of any mechanical problem around the house. Then by causing a second problem while looking for the first, the get their moneys worth by only having to pay the standard one time service fee. These are only two ways that they practice their expertise in saving money, there are many more.
Men, God love ‘em, are better bookkeepers than women. They like to keep a record of every cent that is taken out of their pocket. When they ask what you did with the change from the twenty they gave you, and you reply that you bought two gallons of milk, a loaf of bread, a pot roast and bought a diamond ring with the rest of it, they say. “You mean, you spent it all”
One of the most lovable traits of, God love em, men, is consideration. This shows up when you are in the middle of your favorite Robert Redford movie on TV and they walk in to the room, flip the channel to a football game and then 10 minutes later say. ‘ Oh honey, I’m sorry. were you watching that program a while ago?” They are also very considerate when it comes time to take you out for dinner. They always know when you are fed up with the house and the kids when they come home at 6:30, see you with your hair messed up. in a house dress and yelling at the kids. Then they say. “Do you want to go out and eat tonight?” Followed by… “I thought about it earlier, but I forgot to call you.” This statement proves that they are considerate, and do think about you during the day
Men, God love ‘em, have very few disabilities and when they do, they are purely physical like not having shuffling motion in their feet…this condition results in mud being tracked from the door to the easy chair. Eye problems are very common among men. Especially when it comes to reading their watch. The cause possibly being that…their eyes aren’t what they used to be. They always seem to see the big hand on their watch differently then anyone else. 6:30 looks like 6:00 to them. But women can breathe more easily knowing that their vision improves while driving, although they can’t see that the speedometer in the car is going over 55 MPH. they can see a pretty, voluptuous woman in shorts two blocks down the street. I think this is called far sighted, and is a very common eye condition, aggravating but not usually correctable. Memory is a physical disability too, they can’t remember where they put important papers. But the bright spot to this affliction is at they can remember to tell you that you can’t remember and that you are responsible for something being misplaced.
to be continued next week.
